Welcome to the first Edition of BULLET POINTS! This will be my weekly column where I give you my take away from the latest offering from professional wrestling! As a fan of mainly WWE, I’ll be giving you at least 3 of these every week, though I will try to recap TNA as well! I’m not one to do full blooded results and reviews, so I’ll be sticking to just sudden, bullet point thoughts. Also, because of my personal life, I am basing these off of the Hulu Version, which is cut for time. I gots no time to be wastin’!
I’ll have my overall thoughts at the bottom, for those curious.
Alright, enough talk! Let’s do this!
- New Day wins! As if it were any doubt that WWE would let them miss the record, after all of that hype! Oh, and the party in the back told me right away that either we would get another match, or that we would at least find out who the new #1 contenders were for Roadblock.
- How awesome is Cesaro And Sheamus’ entrance? Music needs work, but that pose back to back is awesome!
- Compelling way to get Sami Zayn over, though I hope that it leads to something meaningful, perhaps a US title run. As cool as it would be to see Sami win the Rumble, I just don’t see it happening.
- The Rollins Report is another Highlight Reel, which is just another Piper’s Pit. It gives a reason to move the story forward, so it’s okay I guess. You can also take it as a subtle dig at Rollin’s Opponent for this Sunday.
- It’s interesting to me, still, that Roman and Seth are side by side. You can argue common enemy, but this guy betrayed a brotherhood, Roman! A pop in the mouth or something is required before we become best buds again!
- Adding excitement to the iron woman match by adding the “No Rematch” clause is a great idea! My money is on Charlotte winning by one point, tapping out just after the time reaches zero. It’s Bayley’s time to shine!
- Another thing: Why only 30 minutes? Have faith in two of the best Women in the WWE and go a full 1 hour!
- Also, Halestorm is my favorite band of all time! Great to see them back with the theme to the women’s division match (They also provided the theme to Asuka vs Bayley 2)
- Note to Ru-Ru: Never say “Certified G” again..
- I can totally see Rusev be a face right now. The guy has charisma and is a great worker. He had the crowd on the edge of their seats, though it was mostly brought on by “Wanna see me bang my wife?”
- Ahh Big Cass, Vince expects so much of you. Why does he make you say these things?
- Sami’s reaction to Eva Marie..You think they OK this stuff with Eva before they say it?
- Good show of strategy by New Day, using the fresh Xavier instead of Kofi for their second defense of the night. On a side note, Woods downloaded an Austin Creed created wrestler I made on WWE 2k17. That’s pretty sweet, Baybeeeeeeee!
- And the the mega powers implode again! I’m gonna miss Jeri-KO but I think the feud will be pretty good, possibly for after ‘Mania.
All in all, I would give this Raw a 6/10, though I’m sure the filler stuff that was cut from the Hulu version would have brought the score down. I usually enjoy Raw, but honestly Smackdown Live has the better show. I’m anxious to see Roadblock for 2 matches, and neither is a title match: Seth Rollins vs Y2J and Sami Zayn vs Braun Strowman. Everything else just doesnt peak my interest.
So as a kid who grew up in the early 2000’s, I naturally was a Harry Potter fan. Lord Voldemort is perhaps one of my most favorite villains of all time. Part of what made him a complex and monstrous character was that he could not be reasoned or negotiated with (Where is Michael Cain when you need him). He wreaked havoc across the wizarding world because he feared no man…no man, that is, except for one-and he aint Harry Potter.
Ol’ Moldy Shorts feared Albus Dumbledore, the total opposite of the dark lord. Only later did we realise how similar the two were, both seeking power and total control over Wizards and Muggles alike and willing to smash through whatever they needed to get their way. But age always changes us, whether it be for good or bad. Albus learned that love must be our salvation, and never allowed himself to be tempted with power again. Voldemort never learned that lesson-to him, “Magic is Might” and will never be bound to laws of compassion or morals.
My point? Voldemort feared Albus because he could never beat him, never turn him to his will. He was so powerless against him, he had another wizard take out Dumbledore, quickly followed by killing Albus’s murderer himself so that he may claim his prize and state that-since he killed the man who killed Dumbledore- He was better then Dumbledore.
Brock Lesnar needs to be Voldemort.
Brock has been an unstoppable beast since he arrived in WWE in 2002, hurting people and leaving a path of broken bodies in his wake. His rise to stardom was the perverbial “Rocket on his back” as he quickly became the youngest superstar ever to become Undisputed WWE Champion at the age of 24. His classic rivalry with legends from The Undertaker to Kurt Angle cemented him as a first ballot WWE Hall of Famer before he even hit his peak.
Then along came Bill Goldberg.
At the time of his debut in the WWE, Goldberg had already been down the same road Lesnar had taken in his quest for dominance. The legendary 173-0 streak has become as essential to the Goldberg character as the pyro, or even the dreaded Jackhammer, and helped establish Bill as a wrecking ball with legs through out his entire career. Naturally before he hung up the boots, the fans had to see him take on the Next Big Thing and find out who truly was the baddest man in the business.
Regardless of what you think of Lesnar/Goldberg I at Wrestlemania XX, It was a moment that fans will never forget and grew the story of these two monsters later in their lives.
12 years later..
Brock has become the unstoppable conqueror, the 1 in 21-1, multi-time reigning WWE World Heavyweight Champion. The BEAST. The…Best..
Then along came Bill Goldberg
Strictly returning to promote his appearence in WWE 2k17, Bill was a changed man. Gone was the ass kicker who barely said a word, who only cared about who his next victim was and where is next trophy was laying in wait for him. Instead the Goldberg we got was an improved talker, a man who extolled his love of being a “Superhero for the Kids”. A wiser, more world weary man, the thought of him going against The Beast was quickly met with eye rolls and laughter. We all thought this was so Bill could have one last appearence as he was taken to suplex city and once and for all be victimized by his long standing rival .
But in 1 minute and 28 seconds…Bill Goldberg became the ass kicker…in 1 minute and 28 seconds…Goldberg Conquered the Conqueror.
Now we find ourselves looking at a potential Lesnar/Goldberg 3 at Wrestlemanis 33. Now the smart money has Brock finally getting his revenge and sending the aged veteran to retirement at the Grand Daddy of them all (Sorry Vince, but that’s still a great tagline), but I kinda see things differently.
In order to evolve the character of Brock Lesnar, he must never beat Goldberg.
The one outcome everyone sees coming is Bill riding off into the sunset and doing the favors for the top Paul Heyman Guy, but looking at it from a storytelling stand point, we have yet to see a true equal to Brock Lesnar until now. Lesnar has always been a god among men in WWE, the guy who, even if you beat him, will get you in the end. The thought of an equal to this larger then life, once in a lifetime athlete-It almost seems unheard of. But if we make Goldberg the one flaw in Brock’s record-the one astrisk in his list of the fallen- Then we keep the myth of Goldberg while also stressing to Lesnar’s next opponent one fact in life: “There is only one man who can stop the beast, and you sir are not him!”
How do we expand on this though? How do we take the simple notion of Goldberg being undefeated against Brock Lesnar, and weave it into the tapestry of both legends? The answer lies with two men:
Paul Heyman and Cesaro
We start with a simple whisper of an idea, the fact that Cesaro and Heyman split amicably. There was never a feud with the two, no falling out, and the promise that Cesaro was still keeping in touch with the father of Extreme ever since.
After Lesnar disappears, his loss to Bill weighing too much on his mind, Paul decides he wants to keep an eye on Cesaro once more. First we have him backstage, watching Cesaro and Shemus defend their tag team titles (work with me!), then a few subtle handshakes and hugs between the two for a few weeks, re-establishing their connection and sowing the seeds of a future partnership.
While this is happening, Goldberg chases the title in a most Goldberg-y fashion. None of his matches last more then 2 minutes, with his opponents-Bruan Strowman and Rusev to name a few- getting no more then a few shots in before getting ran over. He would eventually win the WWE Universal Title at Money in the bank, his reign matching Lesnar’s exactly, comeplete with a part-time schedule where he would only defend his title every few months.
1 year later-Money in The Bank 2018
The WWE Universal Championship is on the line as Goldberg defends his title against a recently traded AJ Styles. This isn’t the typical Goldberg match. AJ is too quick to go out in a mere 2 minutes, using his youth as well as his brain to run circles around Goldberg. In one spectacular moment, After mounting dominating offense against the phenomenal one, Goldberg sets up for the spear-only for Styles to counter with a kick square into the kneecap of the champion. Goldberg screams in pain, holding his leg tight as AJ regroups. That knee is now a target and Styles is looking to focus right on it. Several attempts to comeback from the attack fail and all hope seems lost as AJ waits on the apron to deliver the springboard Phenomenal Forearm. He is plucked right out of the sky, however, by a spear from a wounded Goldberg, who pins AJ for the win. Bill sits in the corner, still holding his knee when suddenly-having just one money in the bank earlier in the night- Cesaro makes his way to the ring, his manager Paul Heyman by his side.
Goldberg is ripe for the picking, defiantly standing up but using the ropes for support as the ref calls for the bell: Cesaro is cashing in.
It’s quick and painless, just like Snape and a weakened Dumbledore: Cesaro pins the undefeated Goldberg and becomes the new Universal Champion. Goldberg’s Knee will require extensive surgery and it is announced his in-ring career is over.
Paul Heyman proudly welcomes his client the next night on Raw, the man who beat the unbeatable. As Cesaro basks in the glow of his title win, he is interrupted by AJ Styles, who demands a shot at the new Champ. That would be when the music plays once more: Brock Lesnar has returned. He doesn’t say a word, but lets his actions do all the talking as he destroys Styles with an F5, leaving the ring as quickly as he entered it.
Brock begins a path of destruction, competing in a King of The Ring style tournament to decide the new number 1 contender for Cesaro’s title. The final match between Lesnar and Roman Reigns ends in a double count out and must be decided at Summerslam, the winner facing the Champion later that night in the main event. While Roman appears to be the favorite going into the match, Interference from the champ and Heyman himself allows Brock to get the win. Paul smiles, his Champion and His Conqueror at his sides as he proclaims himself the best mind in sport-entertainment.
He then announces that the WWE Universal Championship Match begins…Now!
Cesaro doesn’t see it coming as Brock unleashes a flury of strikes and elbows to his head and ribs, surly breaking them just by the shear force of the blows. Brock retreats to the corner and takes a familiar stance, awaiting the Champion to rise before breaking him in half with a spear. He roars at the crowd before picking Cesaro’s broken form up, dropping him quickly with what else but a Jackhammer. The Beast smirks as he places a boot on Cesaro’s chest, pinning him 1-2-3 and claiming his throne as the Universal Champion, essentially killing the man who killed Goldberg.
Brock’s Advocate ads to the mantra “Ladies and Gentlemen, My name is Paul Heyman, and I am the Advocate for the Conqueror, The 1 in 21 and 1, the reigning, defending, UNDISPUTED UNIVERSAL CHAMPION!!! And the man who- without question- was always better then Bill Goldberg…BRRRRRRROOOOOOCKKKK LESNARRRR!”
Let me know what you guys think! I know this was a bit long, and I promise they won’t all be like this. Follow me on twitter and be sure to like me on Facebook and Instagram as well to see when I’ll be posting next!
Greetings! I am Robert Hawkins, though I’ve been known as Rob Hawk ever since 8th Grade. Welcome to my blog about the modern day mythology and performance art that is Professional Wrestling! Each week you will find out my thoughts on how the current wrestling product is looking to me, as well as a little “Fantasy Booking” and show results! I can’t promise to break any exciting news first, but I can guarantee this is going to be a place to see if you want to read some opinions!
For those of you who may have wondered here by mistake and are wondering why a grown man still watches this stuff, I turn your attention to Mr. Max Landis. Take it away Max!
Hope you enjoy, my First real post is coming tomorrow!